Racing Thoughts, Will they ever stop?


They say it is a process, but how can I wait when I struggle to make ends meet?

They say it is never too late, but how can I just wait forever when my family is struggling?

They say it is a process, but how can I if I cannot get it out of my mind?

They say it is never too late, then why does it feel like I am nowhere?

They say it is a process, but I cannot seem to count the days.

They say it is never too late, but how can you expect me to wait?

They say it is a process, but how can I when these thoughts keep me up all night?

They say it is never too late, but I have been roaming around with my ambitions/ dreams in my palms.

They say it is a process, but how can I pace myself if I am all my family has?

They say it is never too late, but it seems like I have lost my chance.

They say it is a process, but how can I if I cannot wake up and get out of bed?

They say it is never too late, but how can I if my mother waits for the day I become a wife?

They say it is a process, but how can I if they do not see what I see?

They say it is never too late, but how can I when I feel like life is passing me by and there is no guarantee I will be here tomorrow.


So, here I lie hoping my mind will stop, but it's midnight and here it goes again….





Next morning, tiredness, bitterness, and exhaustion, the wind slightly blowing my hair, letting the sun simply give its way upon me. I wonder what is next in general.


What next in life?


Whether I prepared for it?


I try to take things one at a time. I try to better myself and learn something new each day, but at this moment I’m only trying to breathe. I’m only trying to silence my surroundings and listen to the voice that’s constantly saying something inside of me. The awkward blanks, the deep stares looking for answers from things around me.


I wait patiently, with a look of curiosity and exhaustion. There was a time when I could almost hide everything within me, and no one would know what really hurt. My screams and cries were silenced in the darkness. I am just trying to live and not question what life is. I want to escape the questions that society always wants answers to, although you can’t really escape from anything.


I feel as if it is about facing and confronting whatever you're trying to run from, whether it's today, tomorrow, or some years later. Because it will always catch up to you. I am juggling these thoughts and emotions as I attempt to strive through but wake up out of bed distressed. Things in my life have piled up, but I’m trying to take it slow.

However, there are times in my life when I want to shut everything out and be alone, but there are times when a little bit of affection helps.


I don’t know whether it’s something my inner self is trying to explain. There seems to be an empty feeling inside of me every time I am in a crowd. The enjoyment I used to feel when I’m around my friends and family. The sorrows I feel when I think of how I am going to get through the rest of my life.


I was courageous and bold, but it seems that there is more to what I want to achieve than just academic and career-wise. I know what it's like to put so much effort into something and in the end, get nothing. Although I have thought about it a lot, and so I tell myself I’ll hurt myself before others.


I feel like there is more to me than just what others see. I want to seek myself, learn to love myself again, and learn to just live. I am tired of having to worry about everything around me or what someone going to say about any decisions I make.


I patiently wait, with a look of curiosity and exhaustion. There was a time when I could almost hide everything within me, and no one would know what really hurt. My screams and cries were silenced in the darkness. I am just trying to live and not question what life is. I want to escape the questions that society always wants answers to, although you can’t really escape f anything. g.


I never allowed myself to make mistakes, because her screeching voice would reach my ear before I take a step into trouble. They say that you must make mistakes to learn. I have made mistakes, I am not perfect, but I have learned more from others' mistakes than mine. But the results of the mistake lead to lifelong regret, shame, and guilt.

My mind races through such thoughts realizing the consequences. To stop my mind, I write, listen to poetry, or enjoy nature.



I aim to stay out of my mind and the goal is to be present. How can I if I am just curious about life and situations and human experiences? It is said if you are an over-thinker, you should keep yourself busy or try to enjoy what's in front of you. But how can I if the very thing in my present has my mind wandering?




Surfside Beach - A place to clear my mind and let bygones be bygones.


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